Arschbrand

Ich habe den Kram schon vor einer Woche meiner Freundin auf den Weg nach Deutschland mitgegeben. Heut bringt sie es zur Post. Am 22.12. kommt sie wieder her und hat hoffentlich ein kleines Paket im Gepäck. Ach ja, derjenige der mein Paket bekommt wird schon wissen von wem es ist............

Das habe ich heute per E-Mail bekommen You know you are too long in China when: 1. You're at an expensive western restaurant and don't even notice the guy at the next table yelling into his cell phone. 2. You enjoy karaoke. 3. You walk backwards in the park listening to a transistor radio. 4. The China Daily is your source for hard hitting, fast breaking, investigative journalism. 5. You smoke in crowded elevators. 6. All white people look the same to you. 7. You like the smell of the bus. 8. You find state-employed retail staff helpful, knowledgeable and friendly. 9. You no longer need tissues to blow your nose. 10. You find western toilets uncomfortable. 11. You throw your used toilet paper in the basket (as a courtesy to the next person) 12. You think that the heavy air actually contains valuable nutrients that you need to stay healthy 13. You think a 30 year old woman who carries a Hello Kitty lunch box is cute. 14. A sexual pervert is a man who prefers women to money. 15. It's OK to throw rubbish, including old fridges, from your 18th-floor window. 16. You believe that pressing the lift button 63 times will make it move faster. 17. You aren't aware that one is supposed to pay for software. 18. You are not surprised to see your tap water run dark brown. 19. You tell your parents their house back in your home country has bad feng shui. 20. You think that a $7 shirt is a rip-off. 21. You always leave tray and trash on the table when you are in Starbucks because you insisted it is the way to keep everyone employed. 22. You buy an XXXL T-shirt in store when you returned home. 23. You take large sum of cash whenever you go hospital in home country. 24. You have no reservations about spitting sun flower seeds on the restaurant floor. 25. You think it's silly to buy a new bike when it'll get stolen soon and stolen bikes are half the price. 26. You'd rather pay the 10 yuan for an all night stay at the internet & gt cafe than the 30 for a taxi home. 27. You feel cheated if you don't receive a full head and shoulder massage when getting a haircut. 28. You blow your nose or spit on the restaurant floor (of course after making a loud hocking noise). 29. You no longer wait in line, but go immediately to the head of the queue. 30. It becomes exciting to see if you can get on the lift before anyone can get off. 31. It is no longer surprising that the only decision made at a meeting is the time and venue for the next meeting. 32. You no longer wonder how someone who earns US$ 400.00 per month can drive a Mercedes. 33. You accept the fact that you have to queue to get a number for the next queue. 34. You believe everything you read in the local newspaper. 35. You have developed an uncontrollable urge to follow people carrying small flags. 36. You regard it as part of the adventure when the waiter correctly repeats your order and the cook makes something completely different. 37. You are not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb. 38. You look over people's shoulder to see what they are reading. 39. You honk your horn at people because they are in your way as you drive down the sidewalk. 40. When car accidents become a source of heartwarming humour. 41. When shopping at Carrefour some laowai stares you down for catching you looking into his basket while you wonder to yourself what laowai's eat. 42. You have figured out that it is actually the Taiwanese who are running this country. 43. You have a pinky fingernail an inch long. 44. You burp in any situation and don't care. 45. You start to watch CCTV9 and feel warm and comforted by the governments great work. 46. You think Pizza Hut is high-class and worth queueing for. 47. You have learnt how to detect someone is in a hurry behind you, and now have the ability to not only walk very slowly but also grow eyes in the back of your head, so when they start to overtake on the right hand side, you automatically cut in and walk very slowly directly in front of them. 48. When you are able to jump the queue because the idiot laowai left 2 centimeters between themself and the person in front of them. 49. You have absolutely no sense of traffic rules. 50. You start calling other foreigners Lao Wai. 51. You start cutting off large vehicles on your bicycle. 52. The last time you visited your mother, you gave her your business card. 53. You think no car is complete without a tissue box on the rear shelf and a feather duster in the trunk 54. You go to the local shop in pajamas. 55. When looking out the window, you think "Wow, so many trees!" instead of "Wow, so much concrete!" 56. Pollution, what pollution? 57. You think "white pills, blue pills, and pink powder" is an adequate answer to the question "What are you giving me, doctor?" 58. Someone doesn't stare at you and you wonder why. 59. Firecrackers don't wake you up. 60. Your family stops asking when you'll be coming back. 61. You wear out your vehicle's horn before its brakes. 62. You buy a top-of-the-line karaoke machine. 63. Forks feel funny. 64. Chinese remakes of Western songs sound better than the originals. 65. You get homesick for Chinese food when away from China. 66. You realize that smiling and nodding is Chinese body language for, "Go away; leave me alone." 67. All the top-level government officials you befriended for guanxi purposes when you first arrived are retired and living in your country. 68. After being in an accident, you tell the ambulance driver which hospital to take you to. 69. Your company offers you a job in your native land, and includes regular "Home Leave" to China as an incentive. 70. You think of "salad" as diced apples in mayonnaise. 71. You don't bother to take the sticker off the lenses of your fake Ray-Bans. 72. You only wear a suit when you dig ditches or do home repairs. 73. Your handshake is weakening by the day. 74. You compiled a 3-page list of weird English first names that Chinese people of your acquaintance have chosen for themselves. 75. Your collection of business cards has outgrown your flat 76. You and a friend get on a bus, sit at opposite ends of the bus, and continue your conversation by yelling from one end to the other. 77. You cannot say a number without making the appropriate hand sign. 78. You like the taste of Green Tea and Chivas. 79. You start recognising the chinese songs on the radio and sing along to them with the taxi driver. 80. You feel insulted when you enter a restaurant and only three waiter welcome you.

Prrrffffffttt Verdammte Scheisse! Wie kriege ich das Bier aus der Tastatur???

...das wird es wohl sein.

Was ist eine Acuh?

Passt die Raste zum Getriebe? (PX alt - Lusso) Ist das Kreuz ein original Piaggio Teil? Waren die Gangräder wirklich OK? Ist der Vergaser fest oder zu fest?

Soll ich mal gucken? Ich bin ja quasi umzingelt von den Kindern aus der Produktion und diesen Plastikgeschwüren.

Gute Idee! Das ist schon Rind und Schwein. WYSIWYG. Widerliche Leckereien gibt´s am Strassenrand:

Harald, Du sollst nicht soviel an die Fickerei denken. Was macht eigentlich der Bremspumpenhalter für meine T4???

EIN GLEICHGESINNTER! Du hast PN!

Ja! 10 Swedish Meatballs with Fries 15Rmb ungefähr 1,40? inkl. chinesischer Livemusik.

Umgehängt, Gaypäckträger habe ich nicht. Die Tasche hat noch einen 2. Gurt damit sie nicht verrutscht

Wer soll denn das sein? Ok, sie hat Titten, bemalte Titten, große runde bemalte Titten! Deswegen kenn´ ich die Tante trotzdem nicht

Ein flammneuer Federring soll angeblich Wunder bewirken..........

Hallo? Debatieren hat der Topiceröffner als letztes genannt. Hört auf zu weinen Ihr Heulsusen! Egal, wenn Champ sich schon in seiner beliebten Art äussert ist das Thema auch schon verfehlt und der Unterhaltungswert fast gestorben.....

Wenn ich mit dem Stock auch schlagen darf, würde ich das gegen eine Strafverfolgungverzichtserklärung sofort unentgeldlich erledigen.

Nee, ich lebe noch..... Zwischenzeitlich hatte ich einen Lagerkoller und bin, ausser zum Arbeiten nicht aus dem Hotelkomplex herausgekommen. Ich hätte mir wohl sonst auf der Strasse den ersten gegriffen und einfach verhauen. Mir geht die Bande hier gerade ordentlich auf dem Sack. Erschreckend, wie schnell man Rassist werden kann! Ich habe mich aber wieder gefasst und war letztens bei Ikea. Natürlich können sich die wenigsten das Geraffel leisten. Trotzdem ist der Laden immer voll. Aus zuverlässiger Quelle erfuhr ich, dass die Leute dort zT nur hingehen, weil sie es so schön dort finden. Man setzt sich dann gern auf eine Stunde auf eine Couch oder lümmelt sich in ein Sofa und pennt.

In einer Schachtel mit der Aufschrift: "Vorsicht giftige Spinnen" Da liegen auch die Bilder von Dir mit Lacoste Polo und Ray Ban Wayfarer.

Meine Karre und die von meiner Freundin anno 1986

Herrlich, genau sowas hat gefehlt.

Ich habe mir für meinen Laptop und das Bürogeraffel sowas geholt: Besuche meine Homepage Besuche meine Homepage Sieht geil aus, ist wasserdicht, und man braucht nicht die große Scheibe zum Homo-Topcase...... Edith sagt: " Ist von Crumpler und kostet um die 140 Schleifen"

GSF Winterloch............

Oh ein schönes O-Lack DiBlasi. Bitte nicht lackieren, wegen der Patina.

Das musste ich 2 Mal lesen........ Trotzdem hat er Recht.